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Part 5 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

Part 5 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

by | Mar 14, 2016 | Blog Posts

Sales Coach Toronto

3 Big blunders most people make with their New Year's Resolutions or setting any goal – Part 5

Lots of ideas – No Plan Blunder

Part 4 – The Cloudy Crystal Ball looked at how to set up a S.M.A.R.T. goal as a way of achieving your New Year’s Resolution. Recall that the acronym S.M.A.R.T. stands for:

  • Specific
  • Measureable
  • Achievable
  • Realistic
  • Timed

Your S.M.A.R.T. goal needs to:

  • Be stated in the positive
  • Specify the outcome you want to achieve
  • Specify how you will achieve your outcome

The third Big Blunder that people make with their New Year’s Resolution is that they don’t create a plan that will get them from where they are to where they want to be.

They have a good idea of what they want but a very poor idea of how they are going to get there!  

A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.

Kahil Gibran

The best S.M.A.R.T. goals in the world are of little value if you have no plan to put them into action.

 “Failing to plan is planning to fail”

Solution

On May 25th, 1961, US President John F. Kennedy, speaking to a joint session of Congress, declared “. . . . I believe this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth.”

When Kennedy set out this goal it was clear that NASA did not have the answers that would permit them to successfully land a man on the moon and return him safely to earth. Now NASA could have started immediately firing rockets into space trying one thing and then another – with catastrophic results for everyone. Or it could have become frustrated and quit because it did not have all the answers at hand. And this is what some people do with their personal goals. They either try all kinds of things one after another or they become frustrated and quit because they cannot immediately see all the steps they need to take.

Of course, NASA did neither of these and on July 20th, 1969, the Apollo Lunar Module touched down on the moon and 6 hours later on July 21st, Neil Armstrong became the first human being to set foot on the moon. The three astronauts involved in the mission returned safely to earth on July 24th, 1969.

NASA broke the goal of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely into many small steps or sub-goals all aimed at achieving the main goal. They did not confuse the GOAL with the steps necessary to get there. And when we set goals, we should do the same thing. In any goal we set we should not confuse the end GOAL with steps necessary to get there. 

We might be able to see all the steps we need to take to accomplish our goal. More than likely, however, we will not be able to. So rather than randomly try things or become frustrated and quit we need to ask a very simple question:

What is the very next thing that I need to do that will move me a step closer to my goal?

The answer to this question becomes the immediate goal that needs to be accomplished.

So take the S.M.A.R.T. goal for weight loss developed in Part 4: I will drop my weight 2 lbs a month, for a total of 24 lbs., to be at my desired weight on 31 Dec 2023. The first step might be to meet with a dietician and develop a meal plan that will promote weight loss. Maybe the first step is making an appointment with a dietician; maybe the first step is research dieticians in my area. Each of these steps should be written out in S.M.A.R.T goal format. Be careful not to get into the paralysis through analysis trap. Remember each step you create in your plan has to move you concretely and measurably towards your big GOAL. 

Breaking the accomplishment of the big GOAL into smaller steps has its benefits. Each step is easy to understand, wrap your mind around, and accomplish.  There is a sense of accomplishment as each step is accomplished. And each step is a measurable indication of successful progress towards the overall goal.

You don’t have to worry about figuring out each and every step you will need to take to achieve your goal right at the beginning. Plan for perhaps one or two steps ahead and as you successfully completely them the next steps will become clearer in light of your experiences. You will develop a rolling plan, creating the next portion as a result of what you have just accomplished and learned. Your overall GOAL will always remain the same; however, your exact pathway to achieving it will likely take some twists and turns as you journey towards it.  This is entirely normal and to be expected.

Plan to achieve your New Year’s Resolution or any goal for that matter, in small, bite size, easily achieved chunks, and you will be sure to be successful!

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Part 4 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

Part 4 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

by | Mar 6, 2016 | Blog Posts, Daily Living

Life Coach Toronto

3 Big blunders most people make with their New Year's Resolutions or setting any goal – Part 4

The Cloudy Crystal Ball Blunder

Part 3 three discussed how the RAS works and how it can either help or hinder us in achieving our resolutions. This showed that it was  far better to have one resolution to focus on rather than having a “laundry list” of New Year’s Resolutions. 

The second Big Blunder that people make with the New Year’s resolutions is that they are far too vague. The top 10 most common resolutions are:

  • Exercise more
  • Lose weight
  • Get organized
  • Learn a new skill or hobby
  • Live life to the fullest
  • Save more money / spend less money
  • Quit smoking
  • Spend more time with family and friends
  • Travel more
  • Read more

They are all pretty vague aren’t they! Take number 4 on the list for example – learn a new skill or hobby. Exactly what does that mean?  Are a skill and hobby the same thing or are they different. How about the last one – Read more.  Read more of what – books, newspapers, tweets, cereal boxes?

Let’s look at an example. Suppose you want some new clothes and go into a clothing store. The salesclerk asks if they can help you. You answer yes – I want to buy some clothes. The clerk is likely to roll their eyes at you – what do you want? Pants sweaters, shirts, underwear, socks, shoes? The clerk isn’t going to be able to help you much if you are this vague. You may walk out of the store without buying anything or you may actually purchase something. But is it what you actually needed or wanted?

Vague resolutions are like this and your RAS is like the salesclerk. It will try and help you to the best of what it thinks you want. So, unless you are more specific in your resolution how can you expect your RAS, which attempts to match specific patterns to help you achieve your goal, really be able to help you? The upshot of it is that it won’t.

Now there are certainly times when you actually just want to browse around and see what is out there and you might end up buying something. (Impulse buying is a big problem for a lot of people and how to get a grip on it will be the topic of another blog.) However, if you are actually serious about getting new clothing, it is far better to walk into store and say to the clerk I am looking for sweaters, my size is medium, and I would prefer them to be made out of wool and my favorite colours are blue and brown. Now you have programmed the salesclerk to look for things on your behalf. The clerk will take you to exactly the right section and show you what you want to look at.  And if they don’t have exactly what you are looking for the clerk has enough information to show you alternatives that might fit your needs.

This is exactly what you want to do with your resolutions for your RAS.

Solution

There is nothing wrong with any of the resolutions on the above list if you use them as a starting point and not the end product. However, if you want results you need to make your resolutions clear, precise and specific. The best way to do this is to use the S.M.A.R.T.  goal planning process to make your goals clear and precise.

The acronym S.M.A.R.T stands for Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Realistic, Timed.

Let’s take the second one on the list above – Lose Weight. Obviously, on reflection it is way too vague to be of any value. Let’s use the S.M.A.R.T. process to craft a better resolution

In addition to this being way too vague, it is a terrible way to phrase it as it is programming your unconscious mind in way you don’t want. Hint –  if you lose your car keys what do you want to do? You want to find them of course. So, if you tell your unconscious mind you want to “lose” weight, then, when you do lose it, you are also telling your unconscious mind you want to “find” it again. Is that what you really want to do?  No wonder so many people find themselves on the diet roller coaster. What other ways can you express your desire to change your weight that doesn’t programme your unconscious mind to do something you really don’t want? 

Specific

The more specific the better. How much weight, 10lbs, 100 lbs?

Measureable

The amount of weight change you are looking for is certainly measurable. All you have to do is jump on the scale.

Achievable

If you said that you wanted to drop 100lbs by the end of the week it might not be either achievable or realistic.  If, on the other hand, you said you were going to drop 2 lbs a month that might be completely realistic and achievable

Realistic

Is it realistic to expect that you can do what you say you want to do? For example dropping 2 lbs this month may be achievable but not realistic if you are going to try and do it in the Christmas season when you know you are going to a lot of parties! Or it may be achievable to drop a certain amount of weight but not realistic because of other health issues. Make sure you are not putting in excuses for not doing something here!

Timed

A goal without a deadline is useless. You can always keep putting it off. Putting a time line to your goals makes you accountable for achieving them. It also gives you a sense of purpose and an end point to aim for. And when you achieve them, it gives you a sense of accomplishment.

What date do you want to reach your new weight? Be specific. Saying: “I will be at my new weight by the end of the year is still too vague.”  Saying: “I will be at my new weight on 25th December,  2023,” is much better.  Your timeline also needs to be achievable, realistic and measurable.

 

The Final Product

You written goal may now look something like this.

I will drop my weight 2 lbs a month, for a total of 24 lbs, to be at my desired weight on 31 Dec 2016.

Part 5 will reveal Big Blunder #3

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Part 3 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

Part 3 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

by | Feb 29, 2016 | Blog Posts, Daily Living

Life Coach Toronto

3 Big blunders most people make with their New Year's Resolutions or setting any goal – Part 3

The Laundry List Blunder

In Part 2 we saw that the RAS is a part of the brain that acts as a pattern recognition system and filter, only allowing through to the conscious mind those things that it deems important.  We also saw that, unlike our reptilian ancestors, whose RAS was predominantly hard wired to respond only to a certain set of patterns, humans have the ability to “program” their RAS to a wider set of patterns. This programming is an imaginative function and depends upon what we choose to focus on. This gives us the method by which we can program our RAS to be more help to us in achieving our New Year’s resolutions.

The first Big Blunder most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions is that they create a laundry or shopping list of all the things they think they would like to accomplish over the next year. Creating a long list of resolutions sends a confusing message to the unconscious mind and affects how you are programing your RAS. What actually is the most important item on your list? Is it the first item? If you focus on the first item on the list, you will program your RAS to look for things that match that. When you switch your focus to the ninth item on the list you will then program your RAS to look for things that match that and stop looking for things that match the first item you focused on.

If your focus bounces around frequently it is quite likely you will not be effectively programing your RAS and it will not devote any resources to looking for things that can help you with them. In fact, your RAS will likely be programmed to ignore those things and focus on other things it “thinks” are more important to you. Exactly what you are programming your RAS to “think” is more important than your resolutions may not be immediately obvious as it the product of your internal “self-talk” which you are not consciously aware of. This process of programing, through internal self-talk that we are not aware, of can often be described as self-sabotage.

There is another problem with having a long list of New Year’s resolutions. The unconscious mind/RAS will only devote resources to the top three or four items on your list. If your New Year’s Resolution list is the only list operating in your unconscious mind, then there would not be a problem. However, you have a whole lot of other lists about things that are important to you such as life, health, family, work or business and a host of others. You have built up these lists unconsciously and the unconscious mind and your RAS are devoting resources to help you attain what you have unconsciously programmed as your wants and needs.

So, assuming that you have unconsciously programmed your RAS with other items as well, what is the chance that any of your New Year’s Resolutions are in the unconscious mind’s top three or four? A laundry list of New Year’s resolutions without focus or skipping around your list of resolutions almost certainly guarantees that your unconscious mind/RAS won’t be paying any attention to them on your behalf.

The solution for this blunder is simple.

First. Ditch your laundry list of resolutions. Ask yourself which one of your resolutions, which if you achieved it over the next year, would have the biggest positive impact on your life.  Write that one down in BIG BOLD LETTERS and put it somewhere where you can see it and other people can see it! This doesn’t mean that the other things on your old list weren’t important. Most certainly they are. It is just a recognition that you can’t work on everything at once and that you will get to them in due course.

Second. Take a couple of minutes quiet time to reflect on your one big resolution, what it means to you and what it will be like when you have achieved it. Ask yourself what you will be doing, seeing hearing and feeling that is different when you have achieved your goal. This is you actively programming your RAS with the importance and details of your resolution. You may need to repeat this programming from time to time.

Next Part 4 – Big Blunder 2

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Part 2 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

Part 2 – Three Big Blunders most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

by | Feb 27, 2016 | Blog Posts

Sales Coach Toronto

3 Big blunders most people make with their New Year's Resolutions or setting any goal – Part 2

The Reptilian Brain and New Year’s Resolutions

In Part 1 it was noted that research shows that the vast majority of people are unsuccessful in achieving their New Year’s resolutions. This part will explore how a specific part of the brain helps or hinders us in achieving our resolutions.

The first thing to really understand is that it is the unconscious mind, not the conscious mind, which does most of the heavy work in achieving our resolutions. As I discussed in a previous blog post, in a contest between imagination and willpower, imagination will always win out. In fact, it can be said that strong will power is created by an active imagination which creates the picture of the conditions we want to achieve. Without that picture there is nothing for willpower to work towards!

Now there is a part of the brain, about the size of your little finger, located at the core of the brain stem between the medulla oblongata and mesencephalon, called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This tiny portion of the brain has many functions, one of which, pattern recognition, is critical to your ability to achieve your resolutions or goals. The RAS is part of the human brain that we have inherited from our reptilian ancestors

The pattern recognition functions of the RAS were critical to our reptilian ancestor’s survival. If the creature “saw” something that matched the pattern of a predator the RAS would trigger the “flight or fight” response and thus increase its chances of survival. This mechanism, inherited from our ancient ancestors, is a biological imperative that exists in modern humans whether we like it or not. And most of us have probably experienced the “flight or fight” response. We have been startled by something we caught out of the corner of our eye and our hearts have started to race, pumping more blood and providing more oxygen, while adrenaline and other chemicals are released into the body.

Think of the RAS as a filter that will only let the mind work on those things which have been identified as important. Those things that do not get past the filter will not have any resources devoted to them. Our reptilian ancestor’s RAS was biologically hard wired or programmed to respond only to certain patterns. Modern humans retain this programming as evidenced by our strong but sometimes less than appropriate “flight or fight” responses. However, unlike our reptilian ancestors, modern humans also have the ability to “program” their RAS to be alert to other patterns.

So, the question is how do we programme the RAS? The simple answer is that you do it by what you think about and talk about to yourself. The unfortunate part is that you may not know exactly how you are programming your RAS. And because of that your RAS may not be doing what you really would like it to do.

An example of how the RAS works will help to make this clear. You have just decided to buy a new car – a particular make model colour etc.  Now, like magic, you begin to notice the same type of car everywhere, whereas before you hadn’t seen any of them. By making the decision to buy the car, by becoming focused on the details of what you wanted, you have programmed your RAS. Your unconscious mind, through the RAS, now allows items that match your new car to get through to your conscious mind instead of filtering them out.  The cars that match your new car have always been there. Your RAS simply filtered them out of your conscious awareness. Now it believes that you want to know about them it will let that information through.

So, you program your RAS filter simply through what you choose to focus on. The bad news is that you aren’t always consciously aware of what you are actually focusing on and thus how you are programming your RAS to filter information for you. In terms of your New Year’s Resolutions or any other goal for that matter, you want your RAS to allow through the filter those kinds of things which will help you achieve your resolutions. So how do you get your RAS to do this?

There are three big blunders that most people make with their New Year’s resolutions that affects how their RAS is programed and which subsequently affects their ability to achieve those resolutions.

Part 3 will look at Big Blunder #1

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Part 1 – Three Big Blunders Most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

Part 1 – Three Big Blunders Most people make with their New Year’s Resolutions – (Or setting any Goal)

by | Feb 25, 2016 | Blog Posts, Daily Living

Sales Trainer Toronto

3 Big blunders most people make with their New Year's Resolutions or setting any goal – Part 1

The Big New Year’s Resolution Fail

The concept of making resolutions at the beginning of a new year dates back several thousand years. The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year to return borrowed objects and pay their debts. The Romans started each year by making promises to the god Janus. In the Medieval period, typically during the last feast of the Christmas week, Knights took the “peacock vow”, recommitting themselves to the ideals of chivalry for the next twelve months. In many different Christian traditions, the watch night service, held late on New Year’s Eve provides an opportunity for people to review the year that has passed and make preparations for the new year by praying and making resolutions. And of course, many of us make New Year’s Resolutions on our own every year.

So, it is quite popular to make resolutions at the start of the New Year for things we want to change in our life.  Did you make New Year’s Resolutions this year? You might have even made a list of them. Did your list look something like the picture? How are you doing on your resolutions?

According to the Statistic Brain Research Institute only 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolutions. It also shows that 49% have infrequent success, and 24% never succeed and have failed on every resolution every year. This means that a whole lot of people almost never succeed in achieving their resolutions! So, if you are not doing so well on your resolutions – you are not alone!

Seeing as so many people have trouble achieving their resolutions, what can be done to improve their chances? Part II will explore how the brain works to help or hinder you in achieving your resolutions.

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Imagination VS Willpower – Which one wins?

Imagination VS Willpower – Which one wins?

by | Nov 16, 2015 | Daily Living

Idea and Head

Imagination vs Willpower - Which one wins?

How many times have you heard someone say, “Just put your mind to it,” or “if you have enough will power you can do anything.” Many people believe they could improve their lives if only they had more of that mysterious thing called willpower. With more willpower they could eat right, exercise regularly, avoid drugs and alcohol, save for retirement, stop procrastinating, and achieve all sorts of fantastic goals.

There are many names for willpower: determination, drive, resolve, self-discipline, self-control. But exactly what is will power? Will power can be described as the motivation to exercise ‘will’ – the ability to make conscious choices. Willpower then, is the inner strength that enables you to make decisions and carry them out. It gives you the strength to take action and perform tasks and make plans, despite inner resistance, discomfort, or difficulties. Pretty powerful stuff this willpower!

Is there somewhere in the body where you create and store willpower and then access it or release it as you need it, like the way the pancreas produces enzymes to aid digestion and insulin to regulate blood sugar. Surely not, as it is quite clear that willpower is not a physical function but rather a function of the mind.

To have willpower –  to succeed – you first must know what you want. Knowing what you want involves your imagination. Therefore, the real source of willpower is your imagination. Imagination is a real power within you. And its effects are very real. That’s because your unconscious mind cannot tell the difference between real and imagined input. And your unconscious mind is far, far more powerful than your conscious mind. Brain studies now reveal that thoughts produce the same mental instructions as actions, Therefore, thought or images are ‘events’ to the brain and the brain cannot distinguish between what was imagined and what is real. Mental imagery impacts many cognitive processes in the brain: motor control, attention, perception, planning, and memory.

Therefore, it is not a lack of motivation or willpower that holds you back. It is your imagination; either you cannot imagine the success you want, or you imagine some other much worse condition or outcome which impedes the will to act. As Emile Coué said, “When the imagination and will power are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always the imagination which wins, without any exception.”

What you focus on with your imagination becomes the reality. The objective, then, should be to focus in detail on what you want to accomplish rather that what you don’t want to happen.

“There’s no use trying,” said Alice, “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour every day. Why sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

Lewis Carroll. Through the Looking Glass.

Let your positive imagination win!  It just takes practice.

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